


Ereri Seals Copypasta

by Anonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, WTF, crackfic, idk why i did this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 20:49:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4363670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ereri Seals Copypasta

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is

 

Levi was supposed to be home _two hours ago._

 

Eren, bored out of his fucking mind, had gone from sweeping the floors of their shared apartment, to drawing idle pictures - using his _very_ limited artistic genius - on scrap pieces of paper, to even pretending to need sugar as an excuse to get out of the room and talk to one of his neighbors.

 

Eren tried calling Levi, but, being the idiot that he is, he took his phone out onto the balcony and ended up dropping it, where it fell the ground and smashed to a million pieces. Eren, quite literally, burst into tears at that - that cell phone was a gift from Mikasa, before she moved across the country for a job as an accountant in a large city. He missed her, and the last thing that she’d given him, _broken._ Shattered. _Useless._

 

Eren was now forced to wait it out, whether it turned out that Levi didn’t show for another five minutes, or whether he didn’t show for another five _hours._ He _could;ve_ gone out and bought a new phone, but Levi would probably - _hopefully_ \- turn up before then, and Levi’s a bit better at dealing with technology than Eren is.

 

Eren was ready. He perched himself in front of the doorway of his and Levi’s apartment, a chair pulled up as he sat himself down in it. His legs were crossed, his arms over his body, cocooning himself for when he’d have to unwrap his limbs and thrust himself onto Levi, giving him the hug of a lifetime.

 

Levi has a very set schedule. He leaves for work at eight in the morning, and he comes home around five. It was _seven,_ now, and Eren feared having to look at the clock - he was afraid that it’d show the ripe number _eight_ where the _seven_ should be.

 

Dinner was on the table in their kitchen, likely cold as hell from how long it had been there. Eren had baked them both a rather large meal of lasagna, a five-layered pasta dish with alternating rows of sauce, noodles, and cheese, as well as a few bits of hamburger meat here and there. Eren had even gone so far as to use the chopped basil leaves that he owned to decorate the top of the lasagna with a makeshift heart, an L inside the heart made out of herb. He thought maybe Levi would like it, and maybe he’d earn himself a kiss or two from his lover, and hey, maybe Levi would even offer to make the rich chocolate cookies that Eren adored so much. Levi usually saved them for special events, but he always made exceptions for Eren.

 

Eren felt like crying, as more time wore on. What if Levi was in trouble? What if he had been in a horrible accident? And Eren wouldn’t know, because he’d broken his phone. What if Levi was out bleeding on the side of the street, with Eren as his only hope, and Eren had failed him? Or, even worse, Levi was already dead. He died an hour prior to Eren even starting to worry about him. He died while Eren was happily sauntering about the kitchen, adding little bits here and there to his lasagna dish.

 

Eren couldn’t take it. He _had_ to know where Levi is, but he _couldn’t_ know, because one, he didn’t know where to start looking, and two, he’d _broken his god damned phone._

 

Maybe Eren could contact the local newspaper and see if he can’t get a photo printed of Levi in the next addition, a wanted poster plastering Levi’s hardened face across hundreds of gazettes.

 

Eren’s face flushed, his cheeks turned unbearably warm. He didn’t _want_ to cry, but he felt like he was going to. Levi could’ve been dead. Eren hadn’t even given him a proper goodbye.

 

Eren had seen Levi at lunch hour, which was a good seven or eight hours ago. Eren had packed Levi a little ham and cheese sandwich, along with Levi’s favorite soda and a cup of leftover rice from the night before. He’d considered leaving Levi a little note, as well, a little _“Hey, I love u :-0”_ to brighten up his day. But Eren hadn’t done so, for he thought, well, he was already going to see Levi, why not tell him how much loves him _then?_

 

Eren, unfortunately, let it completely slip his mind when he confronted Levi with his lunch. All they’d said was a little hello and a few minutes of catching up before Eren left - and Eren regretted it. So much. He wished he could turn back time so that he could attack Levi with kisses before giving him his sandwich, because _Levi’s dead._ Levi’s most certainly dead now. Why else would he have been late? Why else would he-

 

“Hey, sweetheart.” Eren heard sound from the doorway, watching as Levi closed the door behind himself. Eren, in his frustration, hadn’t even noticed the doorknob turning. All he’d noticed were the tears forming behind his eyes. “Were you waiting for me?”

 

Eren choked back the water in his eyes, smiling and nodding with a “I _was._ ”

 

“I’m so sorry for being late.” Levi apologized, pulling his jacket off of his arms. He hung it up on the coatrack beside the door. “Traffic was _shit_ today. Absolute shit.”  


“Y-You’re fine though, right?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“I was so scared,” Eren admitted, standing up to curl his arms over Levi’s shoulders. “So fucking scared.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You’re _never_ late. I thought you’d died.”

 

Levi gave off a chuckle at that. “I’m sorry, Eren. My phone died, so I couldn’t call you.”

 

Eren laughed nervously. He’d have to save the topic of his phone being broken for later on. Maybe after Levi got some food in him. “Can we go eat, now?”

 

“You haven’t already?”

 

“No. I’ve been waiting for you.”

 

“Hell. Sweetheart, you shouldn’t have done that. You should’ve eaten, I would be fine eating alone.”

 

“I’ll remember that for next time.”

 

“Cheeky brat. I was trying to have a cute moment with you.”

 

“Did I ruin it?”

 

“A little.”

 

Eren giggled. He wrapped his fingers around Levi’s wrist, pulling Levi’s arms up into a zombie-like position as he dragged him into the kitchen. Levi allowed Eren to do such to him, and he even let Eren push him down into a chair without so much as a nasty word to him.

 

Eren leaned down, pressing his lips roughly to Levi’s for a solid minute before standing up straight again. On the table before him and Levi lied the uneaten lasagna, a lid over the pan to make sure that it kept as much of its heat as it could. Eren touched the handle of the lid, and it was no surprise when he cringed from how cold it was.

 

Eren sighed. “I’ll heat this back up for us.”

 

“No, it’s fine. Keep it this way. I’m too impatient to wait another fifteen minutes.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah. It’s fine, sweetie. Honestly, I couldn’t care less if you were feeding me literal shit right now. I’m _hungry_.”

 

Eren laughed again. “I’m sorry, babe. I’ll get you a plate.”

 

Eren rushed over to the counters, and he flipped open a little door to find the paper plates. He took two out, and he handed one over to Levi, preserving the other for himself.

 

Eren, taking a quick moment to grab a spoon from a drawer as well, did a jog back over to the table, next to Levi. He removed the top from the pan, and he held up Levi’s plate, scooping out large portions of pasta for Levi.

 

“I love when you cook for me.” Levi murmured, while his hand gave Eren’s bottom a squeeze. Eren yelped a little at that, throwing Levi a teasing smirk.

 

“Maybe you’ll have to reward me for it later.”

 

“Maybe. You _are_ wearing those jeans that I love.”

 

On Eren’s legs were a pair of salmon denim jeans, tight pants that stretched over the thin muscles of his body. Levi liked them so much, even though they were an odd color, and the crotch was starting to wear away from where Eren’s thighs rubbed together when he walked - but Eren still made sure to wear them at least once a month. Just to keep Levi in good spirits.

 

Eren set down Levi’s plate in front of him, and Levi wasted not a second. He picked up the fork that Eren had set out next to the lasagna pot before Levi arrived, shoving it into the pasta on his plate and taking a big bite. Eren wanted to kiss him for his enthusiasm - and he did just that, kneeling down and pecking Levi’s cheek with his lips. It’s a bit hard, considering that Levi’s cheek is in motion from his chewing, but Eren enjoyed it. Levi’s skin was a nice temperature.

 

“You’re a bit of a messy eater, aren’t you?” Eren commented as he stood up again, giving Levi a teasing nudge on the leg.

 

Levi stopped chewing immediately. He stared up at Eren, his eyebrows set and his eyes cold as stone. Eren felt like he’d said something wrong, but _what?_ And why? Levi should know that Eren’s just messing with him. They always do this to each other, why would now be any different?”

 

“Sweetheart?” Levi asked.

 

“Yes?”

 

Levi looked serious. _Dead_ serious. His jaw was even, his neck extended, his eyes narrowed, his eyebrows furrowed. Levi was already stronger than Eren, which made Eren fear for his life at that very moment.

 

Levi spoke up finally, his voice coming out low and somewhat rehearsed. “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?”

 

Eren stared back at him, a sudden flare of rage rising up in him. “ _Bitch?_ The hell has gotten-”

 

“I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over three hundred confirmed kills.”

 

Eren was confused. Three hundred confirmed kills? Do they even _do_ that in the military? Eren could’ve sworn that it was just a video game thing. Had Levi ever even been in the army? _  
_

 

Levi continued. “I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words.”

 

“You’re scaring me, Levi.”

 

“You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life.”

 

“But, Levi, I didn’t,”

 

“You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit.”

 

“Levi, please,”

 

“If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot.”

 

“L-Levi?”

 

“I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”

 

Eren was crying, now. _Hard._ He could only follow some of what Levi was saying, but the names are what got to him - Maggot? Fucker? Bitch? _Goddamn idiot?_

 

Eren couldn’t stop himself. The tears fell from his eyes at a rapid pace, and he dropped the spoon he’d been holding to go and cover his face. Sobs wracked through his body, and he nearly keeled over from the pain of it all. His chest was aching, as were his legs and his mind, his body a little _too_ warm.

 

“Eren?”

 

No response.

 

“Eren, I was kidding.”

 

Levi pulled Eren in for a hug, patting his head gently. “It’s a meme.”

 

“What’s a meme?”

 

“A. Nothing. It’s a _joke._ ”

 

“A joke?”

 

“Yeah. Remember my coworker, Hange? They taught it to me. I just really wanted an excuse to use it. Please don’t cry.”

 

Eren, in a fit of anger, glared at Levi. Levi seemed to care more about his tears, however.

 

“Why would you say that to me?” Eren asked, his tone uneasy.

 

“I thought you’d like it. You’re always on the Internet, so I assumed you’d recognize it.”

 

“You know what they say about assume? It makes an ass out of you and me.”

 

“I guess I’m an ass, then. Damn. And I spent _hours_ memorizing that stupid script. I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Yeah. _I_ happen to be trained in gorilla warfare, too. I went to the zoo last week.”

 

“You remember _that_ part?” Levi laughed.

 

“I don’t know why, but it sticks out.”

 

“Maybe because it’s stupid.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsZMbs5PC64


End file.
